"If it makes you feel any better..."

Advice giving is an art.  It is a huge channel of communication that happens frequently, but not everyone can give it.  There are also those who can't take it, but that's a topic for a different blog.  


I think sometimes the best advice can be no advice at all.  I think communication is a tricky thing and I think advice should only be given when asked for it.  Sometimes a friend can simply be venting and really the only thing they're looking for is a pair of ears.  In these instances, it's best to just keep your trap shut.  


However, if you just simply can't help yourself but to say something make sure what you're saying is worthwhile.  Don't speak just to speak.  For example, a sure tell of bad advice is hearing the words "If it makes you feel any better..." before or after said advice.  


This set of words is usually followed or preceded by a statement about how the "advice" giver has a similar or worse situation than you.  Examples of this:

"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't study for the test either."  And how is that supposed to make me feel any better? Oh, well if YOU didn't study then that must mean I'm gonna be alright.  All that means is that we're both going to struggle through this, and I don't feel any better.

"I'm broke too, if it makes you feel any better." Nope. Doesn't make me feel better.  Just means we're both poor and I need a new friends.  Perhaps some with money.  Who can buy me things.  

"If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend cheated on me."  When I'm having boy problems, I don't want to be one-uped about why your boy problems are worse.  This isn't a competition, and besides you're not making me feel better, you're making me feel worse.  When you try to one-up someone's problem it just makes the other person feel like they're complaining about something that isn't that bad.  Rather than helping this person, you've just made them feel like they're whiney and have inferior problems.  

"My uncle had that surgery, if it makes you feel any better."  Well, I was already aware that I was not the first person to have this surgery, but it doesn't make me any less nervous knowing that I'm not the only one to have this surgery. I'm glad your uncle made it out alive and everything, but I was already aware that there is some sort of success rate to this surgery, otherwise this doctor wouldn't have suggested it to me.  This would also apply to any kind of illness as well.  It's not going to make me feel better that your sister also had bronchitis.  Because I'm still coughing regardless of who else has had this...

We're a species of communication.  We're doing it all the time.  It's our best friend, but often times it can also be our worst enemy.  Messages can be misinterpreted, have multiple meanings, or change based on tone or emphasis.  There's tons of issues with communication which is why we should be as careful as we can with it.  Make sure when you're giving advice you're actually giving advice and not talking just because you feel you should.  

That's what I had brewing for you this time! As always, make sure you don't forget to follow me on twitter! @mkbeer08

Decisions, decisions on the wall, who's the maker of them all?

While talking to my mom over my fall break I realized a curiosity that I have for large decision making.  When I say large decision making, I don't just mean tough decisions, I mean really big decisions that maybe we don't often stop to think about who has the authority to make these decisions.

 I'm talking about the person for example who thought to changed daylight savings time back in 2007.  When this decision was made it was the first time daylight savings time (DST) was changed in 20 years. 

The new changes were enacted by the Energy Policy Act of 2005, which extended the length of DST for the purposes of reducing energy consumption.  The new rules increased the duration of DST by about a month.  This meant that DST would now be in effect for 238 days (about 65% of the year.) With these new rules Congress still had the right to revert to the prior law if this change proved unpopular or if the energy savings weren't significant.  

So the thought process behind being more energy efficient by changing DST (from what I gather) is that we will spend less time in the dark and therefore have to use less energy on lights.  There was also some talk about children not having to wait in the dark for the school bus.

Okay so... the person who decided this just went ahead and decided to change time? Time.  I don't understand what qualifies someone to change time?  If we want kids waiting for the bus in the daylight why don't we just change what time school starts, instead of changing time altogether?  It seems like such a big deal.. and by doing this, are we time traveling? And without the use of a flux capacitor? And also, who would decide if the new law proved "unpopular"? Same guy... or..? How many people have to dislike it for it to be "unpopular"? What constitutes the subjective nature of the word "unpopular"? Does this blog count?

It's not just DST that I think is a big decision that we don't really have the authority to make.  Another example that came to mind was in the world of advertising.  

"Old Spice - the official deodorant and body wash of the NFL"-- fine.  "Pepsi - the official soft drink of MLB" -- sure.  These two things make sense, both parties are perfectly capable of making this partnership legitimate.  

What I'm concerned with is when I saw a commercial for "Goodyear, the official tires of winter."  Really? The official tires of winter? Did you ASK winter? Did Winter tell you that your tires are its official tires? Winter can't consent to that, so how can Goodyear's tires be the official tires of winter? Who got to decide this, and how? 

I may never know the answers to the questions about who makes all these decisions, but it is interesting to think about control and who has it.  Whether it's a mundane commercial you may not have stopped to think twice about, or an over arching decision like daylight savings that seems so large that we wouldn't even know where to point the finger on a decision of that size power and control can be very thought provoking.  

Well, that's all I had brewing for now! Remember to follow me on Twitter @mkbeer08.

Sticks and stones: The View discusses the "N-word"

Say what you want, but I actually do enjoy watching "The View." Once you're done judging, we can talk about how on October 3rd's episode the women of The View discussed the use of the "N-word."  

The topic sparked on "The View's" "Hot Topics" segment after Rick Perry (current governor of Texas and running for the Republican endorsement for the 2012 presidential election) belonged to a Texas hunting club on a property that was named after the N-word.  You will not see the word in this blog, but it was actually used by Whoopi when discussing this issue.  


Whoopi said "It's so hard to know what to say now, so I just use the word." Barbara, then said it was interesting that Whoopi would use the word because Herman Kane said it as well and then Barbara then used the word as well. 


Sheri's reaction was to say "he said, what?" as if she had no idea what this conversation was about.  She also said there is a difference between the way Whoopi and Barbara said it.


 Sheri then said that it was okay when Whoopi used it, but she did not like the way that Barbara said it.  She tried explaining that when Whoopi said it she used a different dialect than Barbara did.  Sheri also mention that this word is one she uses around family and friends.


Barbra tried to explain that she gave herself chills when using it, and Whoopi gave her chills as well when she said it, Sheri was still upset with her.  


So if it's okay for Whoopi to say it why can't Barbara?  Because Barbara is white? According to Sheri, yes.  "When white people say it, it brings up feelings in me," she said.  She also said "you're Barbara Walters you can do whatever you want."  Kind of an argumentative thing to say to your boss, don't you think?


Whoopi, however says, she doesn't care if Barbara says it as long as she's not calling a black person the N-word.  She is reporting, which happens to be her job.  When Sheri then said "Well you still say it differently than Barbara" Whoopi's reply was "Well I say it differently because I have a good time when I say it because I know I'm not supposed to." --To which the audience and Sheri laughed.  I think there would have been a very different reaction had Joy, who is also a comedian, said that.  


Sheri says regardless of Barbara reporting or not, she can't say it.  It's just different.

The use of language is a tricky one.  Certain words mean bad things, certain words connote bad things, and more and more we are having to be careful of what we say so as to stay politically correct.

I was actually once told that now it is not PC to say "Brainstorming" when coming up with a list of ideas.  It is more PC to say "thought-showering" because people who suffer from epilepsy actually have brain-storms.  -- It really is getting hard to keep up.

Living in America we are given certain rights, and under the first amendment we are protected for the freedom of speech.  This has been brought to the Supreme Court a number of times regarding hate speech and every time the banning of hate speech has been denied.  Not because our country wants people to be hurt by words, but because as the Supreme Court has decided, we can't protect the rights of some and not others based on personal views.

I found it interesting that throughout the show the n-word was edited out but when they said what they referred to as the "Italian equivalent" it was able to be said on television.  So if it is the equivalent why is nobody getting chills and getting as offended?  Joy is Italian and didn't flip out on Sheri the way Sheri flipped out on Barbara.  

Since I am a female, and I allowed to use the "c-word" but get offended if a male uses it in the same way?  In the Vagina Monologues there is a whole monologue called "Reclaiming (C-word)." It talks about how black people have reclaimed the n-word and how now females should reclaim the c-word. Same goes for gays reclaiming the "f-word."  The word "queer" has been deemed to have been successfully changed by the gay community, so an argument that stands for the n-word and the c-word is to change the meaning.  Make it mean nothing.  Is that ever going to be possible? Who knows..


The women of "The View" also talked about the use of the n-word in Tom Sawyer, but I think they really were referring to Huckleberry Finn.  I remember reading Huck Finn in high school and when we were reading it out loud in class we were advised to say the word "slave" every time the "n-word" appeared.  I found that in some ways worse.  Making the word slave a synonym to the n-word just validates every negative connotation the word has ever taken on.  


With every generation that goes by the words we say keep changing.  African American or Black have both been determined at one point or another to be the politically correct.  Erasing the word from our memories and history is just empowering the word.  Furthermore, I think the never-ending conversations surrounding the word are also empowering it.  


The conversations are tiresome and always end up in a battle of racism. "It's because I'm black" or "It's because I'm white." I think we stop giving these words the power over our emotions.  Why use the words at all? Even if you are a women, or if you are black, or if you're gay why reclaim them at all?  I think just as clear points can be made without the words.  I never think to use them in my daily vernacular, so why should anyone else?  We don't have to forget they exist or forget the history they have behind them, but we can take power over them by letting them have no part in our conversations. 


The links to view the conversation of these hot-topics on the view are below:

The View | Video | Hot Topics: Using the "N-Word," Part 1The View | Video | Hot Topics: 

Using the "N-Word," Part 2