"If it makes you feel any better..."

Advice giving is an art.  It is a huge channel of communication that happens frequently, but not everyone can give it.  There are also those who can't take it, but that's a topic for a different blog.  


I think sometimes the best advice can be no advice at all.  I think communication is a tricky thing and I think advice should only be given when asked for it.  Sometimes a friend can simply be venting and really the only thing they're looking for is a pair of ears.  In these instances, it's best to just keep your trap shut.  


However, if you just simply can't help yourself but to say something make sure what you're saying is worthwhile.  Don't speak just to speak.  For example, a sure tell of bad advice is hearing the words "If it makes you feel any better..." before or after said advice.  


This set of words is usually followed or preceded by a statement about how the "advice" giver has a similar or worse situation than you.  Examples of this:

"If it makes you feel any better, I didn't study for the test either."  And how is that supposed to make me feel any better? Oh, well if YOU didn't study then that must mean I'm gonna be alright.  All that means is that we're both going to struggle through this, and I don't feel any better.

"I'm broke too, if it makes you feel any better." Nope. Doesn't make me feel better.  Just means we're both poor and I need a new friends.  Perhaps some with money.  Who can buy me things.  

"If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend cheated on me."  When I'm having boy problems, I don't want to be one-uped about why your boy problems are worse.  This isn't a competition, and besides you're not making me feel better, you're making me feel worse.  When you try to one-up someone's problem it just makes the other person feel like they're complaining about something that isn't that bad.  Rather than helping this person, you've just made them feel like they're whiney and have inferior problems.  

"My uncle had that surgery, if it makes you feel any better."  Well, I was already aware that I was not the first person to have this surgery, but it doesn't make me any less nervous knowing that I'm not the only one to have this surgery. I'm glad your uncle made it out alive and everything, but I was already aware that there is some sort of success rate to this surgery, otherwise this doctor wouldn't have suggested it to me.  This would also apply to any kind of illness as well.  It's not going to make me feel better that your sister also had bronchitis.  Because I'm still coughing regardless of who else has had this...

We're a species of communication.  We're doing it all the time.  It's our best friend, but often times it can also be our worst enemy.  Messages can be misinterpreted, have multiple meanings, or change based on tone or emphasis.  There's tons of issues with communication which is why we should be as careful as we can with it.  Make sure when you're giving advice you're actually giving advice and not talking just because you feel you should.  

That's what I had brewing for you this time! As always, make sure you don't forget to follow me on twitter! @mkbeer08